Limbo

Another few busy months have passed. We sold our home, and two weeks before the move date the people who we were buying from pulled out of the sale. So we had to find a rental. Quickly!

But the move itself went fairly smoothly and we’re temporarily set up in  a really lovely house with a huge garden (that our kids LOVE). But, I still feel like I’m in limbo.

As I was writing the sentence above, I suddenly wondered what Limbo meant. I had always thought it was just that you were waiting in a nothingness, where nothing was happening. Kind of floating in a sea of nothing.

Here’s what wikipedia says:

In the theology of the Catholic Church, Limbo (Latin limbus, edge or boundary, referring to the “edge” of Hell) is a speculative idea about the afterlife condition of those who die in Original Sin without being assigned to the Hell of the Damned.

Well… there you have it. Waiting, yes. Nothingness, not exactly. Not sure that I’m at the edge of actual ‘Hell’, but I do feel on edge and waiting for anything is my own personal hell. So, I guess “limbo” still fits.

(Just as an aside – does anyone recognise this language: “Kalıcı Bağlantı:” I just hit save and my screen is now in this language – sorry, I digress… as usual…)

So, back here in limbo land, I’m trying to figure out whether to take control and force a change or to let life take it’s course, enjoy the moments and accept whatever presents itself to me. I haven’t had this dilemma for a while. Before I had my kids I was a control freak. I would never have considered the second option. But, the biggest thing that my kids have taught me is how to go with flow. That is how I became interested in meditation and how I re-engaged my love of yoga (and no, before you ask, I’m STILL not practicing regularly… either of them).  (Argh! I wish I knew what save was in this new language, keep your fingers crossed I don’t lose everything I’m writing here!…digressing again, sorry)

I know I should be rolling out my mat, eating more cleanly, taking 20 minutes out per day to just… be. All of these things will bring me the calmness and clarity that will help me understand the crux of issue. I know there’s an issue because I want to go on holiday, I want to move to Australia or California, I want to buy a 50’s house and develop it into a modern mansion, I want to open a yoga studio, I want to be a stay at home mummy, I want to buy a grand old Victorian villa, I want to work in an actual office with other people and wear designer suits and killer heels… (and by the way, I don’t have the funds to do any of these things)… get the picture?

Grrrr! I’m my own worst enemy.

One day at a time… today I will make time to meditate (and maybe buy a lottery ticket!)