Incomprehensible

This is the most difficult post I’ve ever written. Somehow, more personal and more raw than anything I’ve shared about myself. And yet, this is about something I can not really take in. And this is not about me.

I’m not even sure what I’m going to say, but I feel as if I need to write down the commotion of thoughts in my head, to somehow make sense of it all. If that’s at all possible.

I read two pieces of bad news today, within a couple of hours of each other. And disturbingly, both almost the same.

Two of my friends have each lost a child.

The first piece of news I received via email. Because the mother – a very close friend of more than 10 years – could not bear to speak the words out loud. She was in the process of losing her long awaited miracle. A 5th attempt at IVF, and most advanced to date, had failed. As soon as I read “I have some bad news“, I started to cry. I knew what was coming next and I didn’t want to read on. Devastated.

And if that was what I was feeling, I couldn’t even imagine what she must be feeling.

The second piece of news I read on Twitter, as that is how I know my other friend. Someone whom I’ve never met, but has connected with me and supported me for over 2 years online. She lost her twenty eight year old daughter. A friend had posted the news on her timeline.

Two mothers. Horrifying loss. Incomprehensible pain.

As a friend, as a mother, as a human being, all I want to do is put my arms around them and make it better. But I can’t. I don’t think anyone can. All I can do is wait and be available, if either of them ever, ever get to a point where they actually want to talk about it with me. Be it at 3am, during a conference call with a Client or during the nursery run. And be as sensitive as I can be, and give them space to grieve, if they don’t.

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