All Change

So, today was my last day in work before Strawbug arrives. It was a strange day. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long but in the end it felt kind of weird. Kind of sad. It’s been a long long time since I haven’t worked and my job, my ‘career’, has been (for the best part of the last 15 years) a large part of the definition of ‘Me’.

Now, I know that I’m about to change that definition forever. And I have wanted nothing more than to have a family with my Beloved for quite some time now. But, it’s still a massive change for a very independent girl (OK I’m clutching at straws with ‘girl’!).

It’s ironic that my job is (was) all about the management of change. And I’ve never been change averse. In fact, I’m the complete opposite of change averse. I get bored easily and have spent large periods of my life changing jobs, cities and homes every six months. And because of this I find it very difficult to understand why (some) people are really quite terrified at the prospect of change. I’ve always (well mostly) seen it as an opportunity (the exception being when I’ve been dumped, and in which case I’m not sure it was the ‘change’ that was bothering me).

So anyway, back to me not working… I guess maybe the way to look at it is that I’m on secondment for personal development purposes. Because I’m fairly certain that once Strawbug arrives, daily life will return to good old hard graft, although I expect that job satisfaction will be off the scale in relation to what I’ve been doing for the last 15 years.

And although I’m excited, I still can’t really imagine what life will be like once the baby is here. But then, when you haven’t had kids before, can anyone?

For the next couple of weeks though, I’ll be taking the view that I’m on holiday. Which is fine, I can get my head around that. I’ve had staycations before. And just think of all the time I’ll have for blogging and Twitter!

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Burn Baby Burn

Short blog today… thought I’d share (briefly) my own experience of one of those great joys of pregnancy – heartburn/indegestion (I “/” them because in all honesty, I don’t know the difference between them or which one I’ve got!)

Since the beginning of my pregnancy I’ve suffered from heartburn (I’m going to pick this one and stick with it for the purposes of telling the story). I’ve had a staple pack of chewable Rennies in every handbag, drawer and car glove compartment for the last 6 months (well not every car, cos we only have one). More recently I’ve added a bottle of Gaviscon to the remedy collection (carrying one everywhere) and also had to completely give up eating bread related products… Well, I say give up – truth is I love bread so, it’s more like “hell mend me” (as my grannie would say) when I do give in and have a piece of toast or dip a piece of pitta into the sour cream and chive dip. I know the risks and sometimes I just choose to pay the consequences, OK?!

Last night, I was already extremely uncomfortable (and very very tired) on going to bed (…at 9:30). As usual I couldn’t get comfortable (body and bump permanently feel like I’ve overdone it at the gym) and for some reason the heartburn quadruples at night.

To cut a long story short, heartburn led to severe nausea. It subsided after about 10 minutes, and when I lay back down again a wave of stomach acid raced up my oesophagus , along the back of my throat, all the way up and then down out of my nose! What the???????!!!! Got to say, never had that before.

Sounds funny now, I know but my God does it burn! And it just kept coming!

I managed to cool the burn in my throat and my stomach with my trusty Gaviscon but how on earth does one medicate the point where your nose cavity meets the top of your throat? I thought about snorting some milk, but it seemed a step too far.

In the end, like a martyr, I sat and suffered till it passed and I eventually got to sleep about 5:45 this morning just as my Beloved’s alarm was going off for him to get up for work.

I feel like I’m always complaining these days, and I shouldn’t because I know I’m lucky (tired, heavy and unglamorous but lucky) to have a gift of such magnitude coming my way in a few weeks. But, jeez, it can be hard sometimes to remember that. Especially at 5am when you’re sat in the dark on your own, you’ve had no sleep, your eyes are watering and you’re mopping up acid dribbles from your nose.

We are Fa-mi-lee

So, my Beloved and I attended the wedding reception of one of his work colleagues this weekend. Thankfully (as it was my first experience of a wedding sans alcool, like EVER!) it wasn’t a particularly boozy affair. Very family orientated, tonnes of kids… even one that looked about 3 weeks old (which got me very very excited every time I seen it! :-)).

It was a really lovely evening and it was great to get out and do something and talk to other people about things other than babies and lists and jobs to do. Well I say that, but in reality with a bump this size you’re never more than 30 seconds off the subject of babies!

There’s another wedding reception (seems there’s something in the water at my Beloved’s workplace) coming up on October 1st which I was reliably informed by the Bride-To-Be on Saturday will be a VERY boozy affair. How one attends a black tie wedding reception 3 days after giving birth (worst case scenario) and looks remotely like a human being, let alone a glamorous Goddess, I have no idea… pah! who am I kidding, whether it’s 3 weeks or 3 days, do I really think I have a chance of stepping foot over my front door without my days old baby? Err, No! Whilst it’s a nice idea, I really don’t think it’s feasible. She did say I could bring the baby, but I think she was just being polite. I had only just met her for the first time after all.

Inevitably though, the conversation moved along from babies to weddings as we talked about her plans for her big day. Now, in this day and age no-one really bothers when you’re 8 months pregnant and not married, but the question still comes up “Do you think you guys will ever get married?”, more in relation to co-habiting or just “going out” I think, because we’ve been asked that question for about 4 years now. And it’s something that we’ve talked about on several occassions.

Now, both my Beloved and I are casualties of the “Starter Marriage“. Not that either of us planned it that way and not that we’re proud of it. We both went into our marriages with total commitment and unfortunately it didn’t work out. Or as we like to look at it more positively now; fortunately, as we found each other (quite some time later, just to be clear) and it has allowed our ex-partners to move on with their lives and find happiness too. Which can only be a good thing for all involved. I digress…

So, yes, as I was explaining we’ve both been married before and so, for me anyway, I place infinitely more value on the strength of our relationship than on a piece of paper that says I’m legally committed to my Beloved. More than that though… I believe we are making the biggest commitment possible to each other right now. We are making a family.

Anyone that knows me (and I know some of you don’t) knows just how much importance I place on family. I’ve been brought up to love unconditionally where family is concerned. Rightly or wrongly. It may well be partly why I have found relationships difficult. No-one, no love, could compare to the love that I feel for my family. And I also believe that families should stick together – not that I’m getting on my soapbox and saying one parent families or multi-parent families are wrong. Families are diverse and it’s sticking with the love that we share that is important. Even if we don’t live in the same house anymore. I’m one of the lucky ones, my parents are still together, my siblings all still talk to one another and get on well and so I look around myself and I think; I love this! This what I want for my kids.

So, I guess I’m saying that for me, personally, it’s not that I don’t want to marry my Beloved, but having a baby with him is the single biggest most important commitment I could ever make to anyone. It’s the one thing that tells the world “I love this man, unconditionally. He is part of my family and we are a family”.

M.I.A.

Hello stranger!… No, sorry that would be me!

I actually didn’t realise how long it’s been since I last posted to my blog. I knew it had been quite a while but I genuinely hadn’t realised it’d been three and a half months. Some of my “cyber friends” were starting to worry about me going M.I.A. Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? Or indeed when your life is being turned upside down?!

So, what news? Me? well little Strawbug is getting big now, and I appear to be growing at twice the rate that he/she is, my little furball is riding the emotional swing with me (one minute he loves us to bits and the next he looks at us like we’re the proverbial on his paw – I think he senses/smells/whatever cats do, the baby in my tummy and knows that something big is about to happen). The house isn’t ready (in fact it’s even more unready than the the last time I posted), we don’t have everything we need, we had planned a natural water birth at home and now I’ll be going to the birth centre at the hospital (and probably be taking huge amounts of narcotics given that I have not practised my deep relaxation techniques one bit!)

In general, I’m feeling massively underprepared and totally not ready for this.

But then I am 35 weeks pregnant and so, I’m hoping that this feeling is completely natural and every pregnant lady goes through this phase.

For the most part, I’ve had a pretty easy time of it (compared to many women) so I shouldn’t really complain (two ticks, need a quick swig of Gaviscon…) ah, that’s better. Though I have been growing increasingly scatty and in the last 2 weeks have returned to the depths of lethargy I experienced in the second half of my first trimester. Serves me right, I suppose, for boasting about how easy it’s been 🙂

Still, only 5, 6 or 7 weeks to go. And there’s the most amazing gift at the end of it all… given how quickly the last 3 months have passed, Strawbug will be here in no time!